Why jello shots are bad

I'm a sucker for jello shots. This sad fact got me into some Deep Shit once.

It all started when my friend invited me to her 19th birthday party. The party was on a Friday night. Problem was, I had already put down my $30 deposit for a spot on a bus trip to an Environmental Career fair. Since it took so long to get there, the trip was literally an all day thing. I was supposed to be at the bus stop at 5:30am ready to leave. I told her that I'd love to come, but I'd probably get back late and be wiped from the trip.

Before I went to bed the night before, I made sure that my alarms were set correctly and that my backpack was packed and that my 'business casual' outfit was far enough into the realm of casual business that no one would mock me. I was a freshman in college OK? I didn't exactly have a closet full of power suits and heels.

4:55am: First alarm goes off. I hit the off button.
5:45am: I wake up again, see the clock, "Shit!"

The bus had already left! F my life, there went $30 down the drain. Turns out that in setting my alarms I had forgotten to turn my second alarm on. I. Am. An. Idiot. So I did what I would do any other Friday. I went to class, made some homemade pizza with friends, went to a frat event. On the walk home from the last event, Boyf (Metalhead's boyfriend) and I decided to stop at the campus community center to grab some hot food. In the process we run into Metalhead who had just been at our friend's birthday party. She was in a pretty good mood, and knowing my love of jello shots, told me that there were still a few left.

Being the sucker for jello shots that I am, I decide that I should at the very least go over to her house to say Happy Birthday or something, and if jello shots are just chillin there, then hell I'd have one or five.

From the very second I walk in the door it is very obvious that they had been partying for a while. Further inspection reveals more than ten handles of various alcohols, rummy gummies (another fave of mine) and a single jello shot. Last one for the win. Now, I had already made plans to go to another party so I wasn't planning on staying long. Just enough time to wish my friend happy trails, take a shot, and leave. But I was there for 15 minutes and about to leave when the decision was basically made for me; the campus police had arrived. My stomach sinks like the Titanic.

Did I mention that said friend's house was on-campus housing? Not to mention that we're all, you know, not 21. Yeah, great combination.

Generally the cops don't just show up unprompted. Somebody, in their state of slizzard idiocy, had opened a window in the front of the house. Since the house had curtains nobody realized it was open and music continued to blare on. A neighbor had called and complained of a noise violation from the loud music. So thus the police. Well, the police knock on the front door, presumably to ask us to turn the noise down. The girl who answered the front door was a little wasted, and panicked as soon as she saw the cops. She slammed the door in their faces and ran upstairs to hide. Well duh, they're going to suspect we're all up to No Good, and thus they came inside.

The hush that ran through the party when it was broken up by the cops would have been pretty funny if I  hadn't been one of the bustees. The main reason being that most of the people in attendance were pregaming for a Drag Ball, and everybody (with the exception of a few people) was dressed in drag. Not to mention tipsy. Both cops looked a bit weirded out to find a bunch of drunken, cross-dressing college kids throwing a party. I have a feeling they usually just have to deal with the drunks, so obviously they were somewhat caught off guard. The fact that there were guys awkwardly peeling of bras they were wearing at the time just made it a bit comical.

After demanding our IDs the cops set out to give us a lecture on 'partying smarter'. It was weird because they were busting us for drinking, yet telling us how not to get caught next time. Because that makes a ton of sense.

But that is not the worst of it, oh no. The most awkward part of the whole debacle is that I recognized one of the cops because I had class with her. One of the cops that JA'd (judicially administered) me sat behind me in my Social Movement in American Politics class. Her name is Deborah, she looks sort of butch, and she always wore a Nascar hat. I had to deal with the knowledge that she probably recognized me and was judging the shit out of me for the rest of the semester. It was really awkward.

It was bad enough that I had to go down to the campus police station the next day to pick up my written ticket, but because my offense was alcohol related the school makes you take a short course on alcohol  at the Clinic. That cost me another $30. Turns out, according to my online test results, that I drink a normal amount for a college student. Well thanks for that bit of insight, Clinic. The only thing I got out of that class was my Blood Alcohol Concentration (BAC) card. It comes in pretty handy sometimes, but only if you've been drinking fewer than six hours.

I guess this incident served to teach me a lesson: never drink on campus. Also, jello shots are bad. The end.