This is a first

I made it all the way to Sunday without something crazy happening to me. I had even already told Sarah that I didn't have any stories. Of course, this is definitely not the first time I've had to eat my words.

Every Sunday a bar up the street from me has Trivia from 10pm-1am. Though not up to Jeopardy snuff, I do have a cranium packed with various pop culture facts and splashes of knowledge about other weird things too. Also, Soxhat was visiting for the weekend, so the two of us plus Ghost decided to do trivia.

First of all, I told them to meet me there at 9:30. They were both late, causing me to sit in a cafe for 15 minutes sitting awkwardly by the window by myself. This is only worth mentioning because I overheard this tidbit from the table next to me: "Apparently he thinks flowers and chocolate are just for whores!" Just for the record, I don't think said boyfriend is ever getting any. Unless he strictly buys diamonds, and then he's getting a lot.

Anyway, they finally arrive, we go to the bar, we sit down and catch up on life.

Our trivia team name is Horse E-books. Ghost follows this ridiculous twitter by the same name and he and Soxhat are both obsessed. I am sad that I jokingly suggested it because I'm then outvoted. Of the other teams, my favorites were: Quiz in My Pants, Touched By An Uncle, and I Don't Do Cocaine I Just Like the Smell of It. (I was texting another friend of mine and she said last weeks best was "The Only Thing That Pulls Out is My Couch")

Then we start talking. Apparently, Ghost (who has known me for two years) has always thought I was bisexual. What?? NO. That is not what I'm going for here. I may be on the edgier side of normal but I am totally straight. There's nothing wrong with being bi (or any other type of homosexuality for that matter) but I'm really gearing for heterosexual straight men. Not girls. Soxhat and Ghost then begin to analyze the situation and come to the conclusion that my short hair is at fault along with my nose piercing and ballsy persona. Well thanks guys.

The conversation continues on with Ghost lamenting about his love life. The poor guy can't seem to find a girlfriend and spent most of the night wallowing in self pity. He only had two beers, so alcohol was definitely not the cause. This eventually leads up to him seriously asking me to sleep with him. WHAT. THE. FUCK? Soxhat can hardly breathe he's laughing so hard. I'm gaping like a fish because #1) I'm extremely shocked and #2) not entirely sure how to go about the situation without further crushing Ghost's self-esteem to the point of no return. Several more seconds of shock pass before I settle on the course of least resistance, "Uh, no. Ghost I am not sleeping with you. There is no way. Not happening. Ever." This comes after he asked me to marry him for the third time (the first two times were last year in an exceedingly drunk escapade) and I refused. Again.

Just to be clear, Ghost and I have never been in a relationship that resembles anything other than friendship. Occasionally I will go with him to radio parties (he's a radio DJ) but that's about it. We are not dating, nor will we ever date. He's an interestingly awkward fellow but in no way my kind of dating material. The chances of that happening are approximately -14. The chances of me sleeping with him spur of the moment or ever are nonexistent. Never Ever. EVER. Ew.

It kind of got a little weird after that. Ghost was sitting next to me and Soxhat was across from us watching all this go down. Ghost eventually ends up suctioned to my arm like a particularly pesky octopus, and when I attempt to shake him off he mumbles, "Just humor me, mmkay? I just need some human contact." So I then became his living love doll. Occasionally he would try to get frisky with the digits, and then I'd be like, "Ghost, NO." and chastise him like a bad puppy. Let's just say that it was excessively awkward, even for me. It was certainly the first time anything like that has ever happened to me.

We lost in trivia, but it did have some bright points like the THREE Disney questions! I love Disney questions! The first of which was "The theme song 'A Whole New World' came from which Disney movie?" Of course it's Aladdin, all three of us knew that. But immediately after writing the answer down, Soxhat and Ghost start serenading me in the middle of the bar with 'A Whole New World', complete with scarily accurate falsetto. I wish I had videotaped it.

Also, for anyone who ever wanted to know, Bon Jovi's first single was "You Give Love A Bad Name" and some old French mathematician invented the roulette, and the Japanese bombed the Philippines the day after they bombed Pearl Harbor. Also, Muhammed Ali dodged the draft back in the day, natural gas smells like nothing, and I still can't remember for shit what RADAR actually stands for.