Scavenger Hunts

You can get away with anything if you claim it's for a scavenger hunt. This is truth. You can also acquire weird items that you would otherwise never buy in scavenger hunts. Also truth.

At the beginning of last school year, Frat had its now annual scavenger hunt. We split up by committees and go for the gold.

It's not just any scavenger hunt though, it's a hunt where the winners get $50 towards a happy hour. Therefore the incentive to win is like 2000x greater now that there's the possibility of not having to drink Keystone Light in the mix.

Items on our list included stuff like:
-photos of a freshman doing something inappropriate with the naked man statue
-photo with a cop, bonus points for having a beer in the photo as well
-largest underwear
-smallest bra
-book with a swear word in the title
-gay porn
-largest dildo
-worst SAT scores
-angry alumni email
-most pictures of the school mascot
-write your committees name in rocks at the bottom of the gorge
-picture of a person in a construction site
-stovetops from Haus (one of our satellite houses)
etc. etc.

This list is how I ended up climbing down into the gorge barefoot to be a rock talker. I made the rookie mistake of wearing flipflops, which don't work well on muddy hills. It was also getting dark, since we were running out of time. Not only did I climb (read: slide) into a gorge barefoot in the half-light, but I also waded across the water. I only found out much later that I went down the wrong side of the gorge and there's actually a path on the other side. I resurfaced successful but incredibly muddy and scratched.

Back at HQ our judging began. When they got to the 'largest underwear' category none of the teams volunteered a pair. Being on the curvy side, I yelled out "WAIT!!" and ran into the bathroom. I stripped off my underwear, put my army cargo shorts back on, and run back into the room clutching my prized pantaloons in my hand. We got the points. Win. But my team also lost. Lose.

The winning team won by buying Michael. Michael is what they named the largest dildo I've ever seen. It's official brand name is apparently The Great American Challenge. Michael is probably around a foot and a half long, and probably the width of a baseball. He's really heavy and he smells like a terrible combination of synthetic and crappy rubber. Michael cost the winning team $65, which is more money than they actually won, but it was probably worth it just for comedic value.

At the beginning of this school year, cue scavenger hunt again. We only had an hour and a half (instead of the two hours we got last time) so we had to work fast. We came in a resounding third which is better than we did last year, so I'm not complaining. This particular scavenger hunt is also how I ended up with a mohawk.

Items for 2010 included:
-vajazzling
-member of committee with a freshly shorn mohawk
-specific sandwhich from a place in town
-receipt for cucumber & lube
-smallest dildo
etc. etc.

Giraffes (who is in my committee) actually went to the sex store downtown and bought a Vagazzling kit.  For those of who don't know what this is, it's a bedazzled vagina. She vagazzled herself and took a picture. Glorious.

I was in charge of the sandwich. I made it down to the commons (by running) ordered this ginormous sandwich. By the time I got the damn thing I had 30 minutes left to get back to HQ. Plus, since I had already volunteered for the mohawk I needed time for that to happen too.

I made it up the hill back to HQ in 24 minutes. I am a terrible runner. It was hot as shit outside. It was all uphill. And I almost died. I just Googlemapped directions, and the distance is between 1.5 and 2 miles. My best mile time ever is about 12 minutes. I was pretty damn proud of myself.

So anyway, I get back to HQ just about dying. I am drenched in sweat with some terrible muscle cramps, and so tired I can barely move. There are six minutes left in the hunt. My friend Voice grabs some scissors and drags me into the mens bathroom, which is way closer than the ladies room. He proceeds to give me badly shorn mohawk with a pair of paper scissors. We get back to the main HQ room and somebody else decides that a good use for the lube from the cucumber/lube receipt is to gel up my new hawk. For the record, I was the only girl to get hawked. The five guys in my committee all refused, and all the rest of the girls didn't have enough lady balls for such an awesome 'do. My hair was all long-ish and I really needed a haircut anyway. I'm up for new things, so....I got a mohawk.

This particular scavenger hunt is also how Estate acquire Bruce the Butt Plug. He was our entry into the smallest dildo contest (which was actually won by a pencil topper, those cheaters). He's black and resembles a rattle snake tail with a finger ring attached. He hangs from our ceiling and makes other people feel awkward if they happen to look up and wonder what that thing is dangling up there.

Recap: mohawk, underwear, vagazzaling, Bruce.

You can get away with just about anything in the name of scavenger hunting.