Meet Merman

The other day in class instead of paying attention (because who even does that?) I made a list of all the stories and topics I could possibly blog about. The list is surprisingly long. Today I let Sarah pick a topic. She picked "belt and teeth story".

To understand the ridiculousness of this particular episode, you have to understand the relationship between me and one of my BFFs, Merman. When I asked him what he wanted his codename to be, he suggested "Ariel". His favorite movie is the musical masterpiece that is The Little Mermaid. Since I feel a bit weird about calling my best guy friend "Ariel" and conjuring up images of him in some purple seashells and a long red wig, I'm going to settle for Merman. It's much more fitting. But anyway, we have a very physical but non-sexual relationship. We're all over each other all the time. It's a strange relationship but it works for us. The best part is that it's all sober since Merman doesn't drink.

So anyway, Merman and I hang out a lot. For this particular story, I'm not sure what prompted the topic of sex positions, but it was probably us making fun of Cosmo. We decide to act of some of the more ridiculous positions. Somebody (because we always have an audience) picks Standing Reverse Cowgirl. Since Merman is about the same height as me but significantly smaller we switch roles. I think I would break him if we tried this position in real life (it would never happen).

So picture this: I'm standing. I'm holding Merman's hands as he maneuvers himself until his legs are wrapped around my pelvis backwards, since he is facing the floor. We look like we're trying to run a wheelbarrow race and we're Doing It Wrong. Basically, ridiculous. We're in the lobby of the dorm, in this position, giggling about it when Boyf and Boyf's parents walk out into the lobby. Boyf also lived in the same dorm as us. I immediately drop Merman on the couch and collapse on top of him in a heap of embarrassment. We remain in Fetal Positions of Mortification until they exit the building.

Sometime later we are at our old tricks again. I am in the process of taking Merman's belt off with my teeth (it is much harder than it looks. I ended up drooling a lot on Merman's belt) when Boyf and entourage walk back in the building. I don't think they noticed us on the floor of the lobby with my head precariously near the Family Jewels area, but we once again have enough sense to be properly embarrassed. It was awkward. Story of my life. So anticlimactic.