Showers are out to get you

There was this one time when Merman and I plus a couple of other people had this hilarious conversation about showers.

Sometimes you get in the shower and you turn on the water and one of two things happens. #1) the shower has turned into a boiling volcano of death that's out to get you or #2) Antarctica has possessed your showerhead and the ice shards are out for blood.

Which one happens is irrelevant because no matter which extreme of the spectrum comes spewing out you have the same reaction: you immediately jump back and squish yourself against the back of the shower in order to get as far away as possible from the lava or icicle projectiles gushing out at you.

Now at this point your only choice is to get to the faucet to turn the water to some kind of normal temperature. Problem is the Elements are still trying to kill you. Thus you reach an arm out, curve it around the spray of liquid, and attempt to change the faucet. When this doesn't work, you are forced to stand on the sides of the bathtub and--without touching the evil H2O--get to the faucet this way. Usually you can make it. Usually.

Sometimes though, sometimes you get the son-of-a-bitch shower that just absolutely hates you. These are the showers where the only temperature choices are Hell or Glacier. This sucks, but it's even worse when you get stuck with a shower like this and the difference between the two temperatures is literally a millimeter, so no matter what you do you end up with one extreme or the other.

Then, there are the times when you get in the shower and you've already rinsed down when you realize that you are missing a crucial element. You've forgotten to put new soap, shampoo, razor, etc. in the shower and you kind of need it to go about your showering business.

Of course you've left it underneath the bathroom cabinet so you're going to have to hop out and get it. So you do. Two steps out, two steps back to the shower. You couldn't possibly gotten that much water on the floor right? So wrong. You peek back out the shower curtain to examine the damage and it looks like a goddamn whale flopped around your bathroom. There are puddles of water all over the carpet, the sink, the walls, your towel. What the hell? Now you have to mop it all up. Damn.