Upon arriving at Chappies (da bar) she was immediately served a whiskey sour, a shot of gin (she loves gin) and a Long Island Iced Tea. Fifteen minutes later those were gone and she had another host of drinks including a Melon Ball, an amaretto something or other, and 2 beers. At around 12:25 all the alcohol finally hit her and she just got drunker from then on. Soon after this, she literally let out a primal scream loud enough for the ENTIRE BAR to stare at her like some sort of demon, and then she licked my arm.
In the course of an hour, Metalhead managed to lick, bite, grope, punch, and bitch slap me. She was super drunk (all is forgiven) but I will definitely have some hand prints in the morning. She also managed to stuff at least three handfulls of popcorn down the front of my shirt. Quite forcefully, I might add.
As she got drunker, I (and the rest of our friends who were there) took advantage of her borderline OCD to rearrange her three drinks that looked to be in volume order. She flipped a shit when she discovered that they weren't as she left them and said "NNNOOOOOOOOO!!!!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!??? THEY NEED TO BE IN FUCKING RAINBOW ORDER!" We must have altered the order of her drinks about three times and every time got the same reaction. Metalhead response to nearly everything was "I WILL SHIT ON YOU (or IN YOUR BED)."
Another quote "I DON'T HEAR ANY WORDS YOU GUYSSSSS" after we had all been talking to her.
Even though she had to literally be coached through the last two drinks, I'm pretty impressed with the amount she was able to handle. No doubt, she was drunker than I've ever seen her and it was hilarious. ("You think I'm drunk as fuck? WAIT TILL I STAND UP!" - drunk Metalhead). The last drink definitely did her in though, as she ended up puking it up into about 5 beer glasses while still sitting at the table. She put all of these puke-infused glasses under the table. She giggled about leaving her puke under the table for at least 20 minutes, then spent the next 20 minutes super paranoid that Chappies will never let her come there again because she left puke under the table. Even though she did puke, I'm pretty damn impressed that she got the vast majority of it into those beer glasses. Better in there than on the floor.
On the walk home, Metalhead
-ran into a fire hydrant
-decided to start sprinting up the sidewalk, and I had to run after her to make sure she didn't die
-stopped to wait for everyone to catch up with us, and decided that it was "Sleep Time" and just lay down on the sidewalk.
-saw a firework somebody let off, stared up at it and said, "LIKE A BAWWWSS!"
-attempted to break down our front door and nearly fell on her face when she discovered it was actually unlocked
-ran upstairs and locked herself in her room, then unlocked it because our friend Jeff had to pee off her front porch
-tried to ride down the banister
-right after she said she was going to bed (I had just gone up to my room), I heard some doors slam and then I heard her scream "YEEAAAHHHH MANNNNN!!!!!!" off her front porch.
Sadly, although she was pretty damn drunk she avoided all of my attempts to get her to be drunkenly social. At one point she wanted to text her sister but couldn't find her phone. Boyf had already told her he was turning his phone off. What a shame.
Although she sobered up a bit once we got home, she was still slurring her words and couldn't speak English half the time. No capitaleest peeg dawgs for her.
I'm sure I'll remember more stories as the day goes on.
No comments:
Post a Comment